2009 - PAIN, DISCOVERY & MAGIC

2009 - A Year of Pain, Discovery And Magic.

The Pain. I've endured heavy losses; both in life and in livelihood.
The most dramatic of the lot has been the death of my father and the loss of my first business. Both extremely hard to deal with as I feel they were both stolen from me. Robbed of making things right with my father and plain evil thievery on the business front.

But through this tremendous Pain, Discovery has risen. I have discovered that fighting people only hurts yourself; that holding back leaves you alone and simply, life is fragile and sacred.

The Magic has come from creating and loving. When you love, magic happens. And when you create you are working your magic.

What has 2009 brought you?

STRANGERS IN TIME -The Passing of My Father

The past couple of weeks have been mixed with so many strong emotions... more than I've ever experienced. I guess you could say I have gone through a transformation.

I always thought my dad was going to be there to make-up with. I had visualized "making it big" and then being accepted by my family. He would be proud of me and wrap his arms around me and tell me how much he loved me. But what I had envisioned can never come true because he and I both waited too long. Seven years. Now my father is no longer on this earth; just the shell of the man I once knew, buried in Cleveland's cold ground.

When I got the call I fell to my knees and prayed to the Lord to bring him back. Screaming and crying without end, uncontrollably. I blamed myself for everything and professed I would never get over this...that my life would never be the same. You see I was daddy's little girl and I learned recently that he would say "she's still my first born". In fact, this Thanksgiving (just before he died) he sang a song and asked people to sing with him and when they didn't he said, "If Alisa was here she'd sing with me".

I wish so badly that I could have been there to sing with him. Instead I sang at his funeral... a song that I wrote called 'Stranger's In Time'. I cried all the way through the song...don't know how I got to the end.

7 years. I always looked at families who didn't talk to each other for years and years and looked at them in disbelief and stupidity. Tragically this is what me and my father had become...two souls locked in love and grief.

During these 7 years apart I felt that my dad had disowned me, that he didn't want to talk to me and that he despised me for following my dreams in becoming a professional singer.

If he or I would have called, then we would have both known the truth and the burden that we both lived with and that I still carry would have been lifted. We would have been free.

Free to love, free to forgive and free to forget.

Please if you are separated from a loved one reconnect with them.

Love,
Alisa

Splitting of Souls

Splitting of Souls

As I slip away to write, I realize my heart has been abandoned.

From this morning till now something has been lost and I'm afraid it wont be found.

Oh poor heart of mine I cry for you and I apologize for what I have done to have caused this.

-Alisa Apps

Photoshoot with Piotr Okrasa

Some new photos taken by Piotr Okrasa.

- Alisa Apps

The Piano Speaks To Me

The piano speaks to me.
He tells me words of beauty and delight...words that I've never heard before.
We dance together in melodic rhythm while my heart beats to his magical persuasion.
I'm in love and I sing.
I sing for him.

PERFORMANCE & FUN @ MOHAMED'S BIRTHDAY

Saturday I was invited to my friend Mohamed Hadid's house for his birthday. What a beautiful and special night. He asked me to sing for him. Here are some photos of the celebration.

You Want Me To What?

Hey, to all my cool cats. I had a very busy weekend.

As you may have seen, my “Pop Star Challenge videos” have reached almost a million viewers. The comments, suggestions and the tons of emails have kept me busy.

There has been a big outflow asking for me to actually go on live Television and do it for REAL!! I’m super excited!! Of course I would love to hear from my fans, to see who would YOU like to see me challenge on T.V.?

Send your ideas to info@alisaapps.com !! If you haven't seen the "Pop Star Challenge" yet here's one of them.



Alisa & Mariah Carey - Pop Star challenge

Magical Liquid Droplets

Today the sky unfurled magical liquid droplets that danced upon my face. I became transfixed by its glory.

- I love the smell of a wet day
-The way it makes you want to cuddle close to your lover
-To me, rainfall is enchanting. I can watch it all day and succumb to its magnificent powers.

History's Greatest Art Patron

THE Renaissance was the golden age of European history where artistic achievements, humanistic studies, engineering development and scientific inventions all happened almost at once. Contributing more than anyone to the flowering of Florentine genius in the late 15th century was Lorenzo the Magnificent, head of the Medici banking family and unofficial head of the government of Florence; supporting such giants as Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Donatello, Sandro Botticelli, Filippino Lippi, Domenico Ghirlandaio, and Andrea del Verrocchio.

Lorenzo de'Medici was the original Renaissance Man before such a term ever existed.

He was an enthusiastic patron of artists, musicians, architects and scholars. In fact, when Michelangelo was a boy, Lorenzo recognised his genius, and supported him financially for four years; bringing him into his household, Michelangelo was treated as a member of the family, eating at the same table with the Medici family and having his own room in their house. It was this exposure and connection to the family that gave Michelangelo an opportunity for unrestricted access to one of the greatest collections of art and literature from antiquity, heavily influenced his works, and ensured him a lifetime of commissions.

Lorenzo was a genuine art lover and had a considerable personal knowledge too about painting, poetry and music; he wrote some remarkable poetry of varied style and subject in his native Tuscan, and was one of the first to appreciate Classical Works. Unfailingly generous and considerate to the artists that he sponsored, even when he could scarcely afford it, Lorenzo kept the Medici Palace and Gardens open to the talented ones. Under him Florence saw an artistic revolution unparalleled in the rest of Europe.

It was also his interest in music composition that led to the development of the early Madrigal. Some of the musicians that he patronized such as the Organist Squarcialupi and the composer Heinrich Isaak became famous all over Europe and people flocked to Florence in order to hear them.




“How beautiful is youth, that is always slipping away! Whoever wants to be happy, let him be so: about tomorrow there’s no knowing.”- LORENZO DE MEDICI

Writing Surge

I have been completely engrossed in writing for the past two months straight. Just this morning I’ve had a moment to reflect… so pleased.

Near the beginning of this writing surge I had written nine songs, one after the other. It was kind of like blast writing. Not being completely satisfied, I continued on; and wrote four more…these four I noticed a special sparkle that I had not experienced before. My voice was able to breathe and the real Alisa emerged thru the song. The previous music was rich in meaning to me but Alisa was not there.

Now after composing five more (after the last four) I am thrilled. In fact, two of these we chose to put special effort into….going full-out on the production.

Recently it has been extremely intense with the last two songs as we started production in one studio; working almost a full week of 12 -16 hr days…then decided to scrap it all and re-record somewhere else. It was a tragedy; the music took a turn and no longer sounded or felt the way they were intended to. I felt like I was being held underwater feverishly trying to make it to the surface.

After starting over again, the music lives!! In fact, I stopped and smelled the roses this weekend… there is a rose garden next to the ocean in Santa Monica and Terry and I stopped there the other night to listen to the crashing ocean and enjoy the fluffy pink roses. Some of them smelled so amazing that I must have had my nose in them for hours.

But I can now say after reaching the surface to breathe, these new songs are something very special.

My producer Richard Perry just got back into town after being away for a week retreat at his girlfriend’s ranch in New Mexico. His girlfriend is Ms. Jane Fonda. I’m really excited to get back with him this week to show him my new creations.

What creating and writing means to me. ….When creating, part of my mission is to be a voice of compassion to those that need comfort and strength…including myself. To write songs and poems that enriches the soul. I yearn for love to be spread, for smiles to glow and for connections of the heart to be made.

Thank you for being part of life with me. Xx

My Childhood Fascination with Unicorns

As a young child growing up in Cleveland, Ohio I felt a bit closed in. Fantasy and enchantment was no where to be found in my house. So once I learned about the magical unicorn I was in heaven. For me the unicorn stood for freedom, beauty and power…three things I yearned for so deeply.

When my dad got an apartment, I chose a picture of a unicorn to adorn my bedroom wall. Recently I found that same picture online. I was shaken when I saw it, as I never realized that the unicorn in the tapestry was fenced in; trapped. It is named “The Unicorn In Captivity” …I must have felt that was me.

The picture you see here is the exact tapestry I am referring to. It’s actually a series of seven tapestries named “The Hunt of The Unicorn” dating from 1495–1505. The tapestries show a group of noblemen and hunters in pursuit of a unicorn. It is believed to have come from a culture in the Southern Netherlands.

Although I had a special bond with this creature, it wasn’t until a few days ago that I learned so much more about her.

Some interesting facts…
- The unicorn is found in the coat of arms for both United Kingdom and Scotland. Usually shown collard with a broken chain attached – shows broken free from its bondage and can not be taken again.
- Denmark royal thrones were made of “unicorn horns” and the same material was used for ceremonial cups because the horn was believed to neutralize poison.
- In religious art the unicorn falls asleep on the Virgin Mary’s lap as it was known to only be tamed by a Virgin; thus can only be mounted by virgins.
- A grouping of unicorns = a blessing of unicorns
- Only be captured by unfair means
- A unicorn symbolizes love, truth, purity, freedom, chase love, faithful marriage, protection from evil, pride, and they stand on their own
- They are fierce yet good, selfless yet solitary & mysteriously beautiful

So I have just written a song called LOVE IS A UNICORN.

Music Makes Me Real

Music makes me real
I write because I must
I sing to unlock the gates from within
to feel the hand of trust

If music was not a part of me
I would cease to be free
For everything that I love has song around it and within it
From my lover's echoing voice, to a child making his first grown-up choice

Oh music be my light and shine for me every day that I write
You are my hero, the savior of my soul
I bask in your delight

Beauty on the surface

Beauty on the surface 

it passes and fades 

While the beauty of life within,

grows with magnificent complexity; 

beyond a counted amount.

AA

Upper Crust

Recently I have been introduced to the upper crust of America and this is what I have to say....

Don't be Fortune's Fool.

Fill Your Heart with Love not Vanity.

xx AA

Slavery within

Abolish slavery from within.

For only then can happiness live.

AA

emptiness and loneliness

a poem I wrote...

Emptiness and loneliness are friends
They hold each others hand in the rain
Sometimes they’re even called the same
Why do they make me feel so distant and bound
All while busy without a sound

- Alisa Apps

Who are you?

Who are you?
….I am raw authenticity with a sexy glance
No fake glossy bullshit – the world is obese with it.

CHURCH - Easter day

Church is not a place or a building.
You dont have to go there to be there.
Church is a part of you; its who you are.

Start of my new song I started today

While you wait in the darkness
I fly in the light
Trying to find what broke your soul
and make you become whole

Where are you when we sleep?
You drift away and weep.....

My Mission Statement

Like Jesus is the Infinite Son...I am the Infinite Sun.
Bringing everlasting light to the world through my music, television productions. movies and foundations.

With your help, I will not only become you ambassador of hope and justice but I will also be the revolution that is desperately needed in this world.

Imagine. Me being your voice and your angel of light throughout the Globe...similar to the way Princess Diana was able to touch so many people's lives; so will I.

Join me on my adventurous journey and lets champion the world together...through music.

CONFUSION - segmented mind

Cloudy and caged in
I'm numb to the genius world around me
It moves and screams foul words
But I can no longer hear
The path of riotousness awaits me
But its lonely above the pale clouds
I'd much rather stay
With strangers that stare
Than basking in continuous frivolous delights

An email fom SakuraJurai - YouTube

I want to share a vey special email that was sent to me today via my YouTube regarding my song/video "How Do I Make Right". Click here to watch it

what a lovely song! Thank you for sending it to me, it made me cry.
I can relate,I haven't spoken to my dad in a year because he said some really bad things about my sister and I. He's apologized numerous times, but I wasn't ready to forgive him. Now listening to your video, I started to remember all the good things, especially images of my child hood of us hanging out and playing video games.
I think i'll give him a call.
Thank you
I subscribed! I look forward to hearing more of your wonderful voice ^-^

Thank you for sending this to me SakuraJurai. You really touched me.

official YouTube

WHY SHOULD I CARE?

Betrayed...

You Tell me your in danger and afraid for your life.
I dedicate my means, my emotions, hours and days of agonizing strife.
We make a plan of rescue to rebuild and renew.
and then you kick dirt in my face and sever the lines of truth.
...Betray me twice in one night.
When I come to see you there is no remorse or no care for me or my efforts.
You got what you want and that's all that matters.

A friend in need is not a friend indeed

A DAY of CONTRAST - Rafael Nadal and youth of today

After Flying into Miami from Vegas today, I was able to catch the end of the Australian Open. I absolutely loved watching two champions giving everything they have; to dedicate their entire life to a goal and embody unyielding perseverance. In fact, I've been thinking about it all day. Nadal made a huge impression on me. He's a challenger and fighter who is hungry and has something to prove! That is me…I'm hungry for the challenge and the prize that’s staring at me, and I will fight and wage war to get it.

Contrary to the beginning of my day, I reunited with two very close friends of mine that are 17 and 18 yrs old. They have been having problems at home with their mom and had run away for a week. What they have gone through has been insane. One of them was in a detention center for a full week and the other one has been skipping from friend's house to house with the same clothes for a week. After talking to them their main focus was to get a place of their own yet didn’t want to get a job or work to support themselves, nor did they know what they wanted to do carrier wise. I kept asking them what they liked to do or what interests they had...and nothing. This really upset me. It was like all they ever wanted to do with their lives was hang out with their friends and smoke pot. Yeah I know they are teenagers but this is crazy. No drive, no hunger, no goals, no purpose. They didn't even have a hobby. I really got upset

Which brings me back to Nadal. Thank you Nadal for being you and inspiring the world. There is a huge need for role models who are young, cool, edgy and that have a purpose in life.


Australian Open
Finals: Rafael Nadal (1) def Roger Federer (2) 7-5 3-6 7-6 3-6 6-2


Myspace
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Michael Brito's portrait of me

This painting of me was created by Michael Brito. When I first started my YouTube videos he was one of my first Angels who inspired and lifted me. Thank you Michael for sharing your beauty.

He also included a card which I have next to my computer. It reads:

Dear Alisa

Thank you for sharing, with courage and hope; your life's story.
Thank you for standing up against those who say "you cant" and proving "we all can".
With Love and admiration.

Michael Brito


We can all inspire each other

WRITING STARTS AGAIN

Today I start writing again…I took a long hiatus from writing to immerse myself in the mechanical aspects of my music career and life itself. I also had an extremely traumatic life change that drove me so far to the edge I didn’t feel myself really. It was like I was in one of those snow globes; underwater ignored and no way out. The blizzard of pain surrounded me and everywhere I turned nothing could be changed.

I’m out now and the pain of the past still reminds me but I am on top of it now. Thanks you for being part of this journey with me. I really missed you. Please feel free to share.

Alisa

show in Vegas

Few fun photos at my show in vegas this Friday. will have video up soon.

Grab it

Power tools for the day:

Grab what you want because its you who has to do it.
Be decisive of exactly what you want.

Just be yourself and show who you are; not trying to fit/blend in with other's ways but be understanding of them - no condemnation.

Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.


(Feel free to add yours)